Last week we took my mom to the neurologist. The trip didn't go poorly, exactly. It seemed a little fruitless- we went on the advice of mom's general practitioner to see if any of her physical ailments of late could be connected with her dementia. In the end he performed a variety of tests, diagnosed her with Alzheimers, and offered us more medicine. It was good that we went, but it wasn't an appointment full of earth-shattering revelations.
Nor was it full of impeccable bedside manner. Most of mom's doctors are bastions of acceptance and caring. It's why they remain her doctors. So perhaps I'm spoiled. This doctor was not unfriendly, but neither was he very amiable.
Even that is not why I find myself toying with firing him, however. That is because of how he ran the appointment. Throughout the appointment, he continued to offer to prescribe medicine, to suggest treatment options, and to recommend therapeutic courses of action- to me.
He offered me anti-psychotics if mom became agitated or confused. He recommended melatonin if she wandered at night.
Throughout the appointment I was left with the distinct impression that he was not searching for ways to improve my mother's life, but to make her more manageable for me.
It is as if he had given up on ever helping her, so his goal was to make her as easy for me to deal with as possible.
It almost seemed like he treated the appointment as if she, instead of having an illness, were an illness.
When I told him we wanted to avoid anti-psychotics, he told everyone did, but if she became too out of control they might make things manageable.
When I told him we planned on avoiding a nursing home for as long as humanly possible, he told me everyone said that. He flat out said that delaying nursing home placement was the end goal of any treatment.
Alzheimers is an incurable disease, I understand that. I am not that naive. My mother however, is not a burden. She is not a disease.
If she had an incurable cancer, would he treat her as a foregone conclusion? Would he try to help her anyway, to try and prolong her health as long as possible, to try and make her comfortable, to allay her fears, or would he tell me that the best he could do is maybe delay the inevitable and then offer to give her pills so I could sleep?
What is it about Alzheimers that dehumanizes our loved ones in the eyes of society? What is it about this disease that makes it alright for them to be controlled not treated?
The appointment was not entirely bad. He did offer some practical assistance and advice, and it is possible I misread him or caught him on a bad day.
He will probably receive one more chance. If this performance repeats however, it will be time to seek out a new neurologist. If you are treating my mother, then your job is to treat my mother. Otherwise, you may be fired.
That is her right. It's my job to ensure that she gets it.
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