Dear world:
There are a few things i would like to say to you before you continue judging me. (Though admittedly, I'm not entirely certain you are judging me. It could just be my perception.)
Firstly, when I transfer money out of mom's account, despite her "she's stealing my money" act, it is often for good reason. Today for instance, it was to pay for groceries and fuel. I have little shame regarding using her money for items from which she benefits- electricity, heat, food, water. I once had a friend accuse me of caring for her only because I could not pay my bills without her money. This logic is flawed for many reasons, not the least of which is that if three people didn't live here the bills would be much less.
Secondly, i know i look like an ogre. You see me denying my poor (adorable) elderly mother something as simple as a coke, or a candy bar. So you kindly offer to buy it for her. After all, she wants it so why shouldn't she have it? She is begging for it. I am just too cruel to spend money on her.
Now I appreciate your kind gesture, but before you paint me green and imagine me to be three times my size with a nasty growl and menacing grin- consider that you do not know the back story.
For instance today i would not buy my (adorable) elderly mother a Reece's Christmas tree not because i wanted her to suffer, but largely because ten minutes prior i had bought her a Gertrude Hawk caramel bar. Also, i had just bought her a coke.
The thing is any way you slice it sometimes I feel judged, as if the world thinks i'm abusive. This is not mere paranoia- for a while we were frequent Office of the Aging reportees. They never found any abuse of course, and eventually even the case worker told me that the problem was my (well meaning) neighbors' ignorance. Still-
If I take the money for the fuel, i'm financially abusive.
If i don't take the money and don't pay for the fuel, and the house becomes cold i'm physically abusive.
If i refuse to buy the candy i'm emotionally abusive.
If i let her eat so much sugar it's bad for her health, i'm physically abusive.
Do you see how to my (potentially paranoid) brain this appears to be a lose/lose situation?
So please be more considerate next time you go to judge me.
Mom may not fully understand the situation, or remember what she just ate. Or she may do both, and just want to get me for revenge or amusement.
Regardless, have a little understanding please.
Love,
-une
