On October snow and selfish masochism

It's been a bit since my last post. My excuse will be partially paying job related, but even I acknowledge that I could have posted anyway.

Oh well.

Today was the first snow. Don't worry, i'll wait while you check the date of the post. That's right, on October 27th we had the first snow, which actually stuck in places.

I'm so grateful to God for the furnace, which makes the winters here ever so much more enjoyable.

Also, today I signed up for what I like to call my "feat of selfish masochism", nanowrimo. Last year i failed miserably. This year i may fare no better. Neither of those facts are truly consequential.

Sleep is luring me away. It's a post at least, short it may be but it's a post.

On personal bed hogs.....

On my recent list of "best purchases in recent history", the full-sized futon mattress ranks fairly high. It's a long story of "When i moved out for college my room became a storage room" style proportions, but until fairly recently (within the last two years or so) i was still sleeping on the couch with the disintegrating cushions. Now, there are practical reasons i choose to still sleep in the living room (i use the excuse that it's convenient for me to be downstairs in case mom wanders or needs something to mask my laziness in actually cleaning out said storage room), but the fact remains that sleeping on this wonderful interspring full-size mattress was a huge step up from the couch.

Except that i do not get to fully utilize a full size mattress much lately.

Enter the bed hog, stage left.

Many times lately, i wake up to realize that my legs have been crammed into within approximately a foot of the wall.

Sigh..... if i didn't love him so much.

Sleep and guilt are my friend.....

So i was supposed to post to this before i fell asleep tonight.

i was also supposed to give mom her medicine before i fell asleep tonight.

i was supposed to turn out the power strip below the computer before i fell asleep tonight.

i was supposed to fix the tv before i fell asleep tonight. 

If you look at the time stamp,  it's 4:10 a.m. 

Dear body:  This "fall asleep super early,  wake up in the middle of the night" trick is not my favorite. 

Could we please reverse that a bit?  Could we stay up just an eensy bit later,  so that we could get everything done the first time,  and then sleep through until morning? 

This brings with it massive amounts of guilt.  Largely as concerns mom's medicine,  which she didn't get (again). 

Now it isn't "if she doesn't get this she will die" type medicine,  praise the Lord! 

However,  it is her dementia medicine (and her Tylenol pm.)  That's what we're down to. 

Still,  not getting dementia medicine is not necessarily a good thing. 

Hence the massive amounts of guilt,  and prayers for forgiveness and lack of repercussion. 

Did i ever mention that guilt is one of my chief emotions? 

Probably,  it ranks shortly below anxiety. 

i'm not saying that either is a Christian value,  simply that both are.

Occasionally i feel guilty about this,  that i feel guilty and worry so much.

Still,  if someone questions how someone as religious as i am can have so much anxiety,  i like to quip that they should imagine how i would be without God. 

My best estimate involves rocking in a corner and padded walls. 

Thanks God.  Praised be Your Name! 

Now to work on not being such a basket case. 

Also,  we need to work on staying up later. 

Come on body,  together we can do it. 

Alright,  back to bed now-  night all,  God bless!!