On the fine art of multitasking

Is it wrong to blog while talking with my sister on the phone? i have a list of things which, in my mind, i want to get done, sometimes. Tonight, it included a blog post. Having my sister call derailed my clever scheme, however, so I am trying to multitask now. She is fishing a bit to move back home, I think. She does this on a regular basis. Currently, she is living in my car again. It makes me feel badly for not allowing her to move back in, to a certain extent. Is it wrong to not want to add the chaos to my life which inviting her home would cause?

and she said baby, it's three am and

It's after midnight and i'm still awake. See, mom and my brother have adopted a sort of second/third shift schedule at times. Now sometimes this works with me falling asleep early, and often. However at other times it results in nights like tonight, where i find myself yelling back and forth to mom upstairs (and remembering my plan to someday put an intercom system in) as she frets over something before bed. This evening the something in question is her bare arms. She's wearing a t-shirt, and has a fleecy throw. However she is convinced that she will be freezing if she doesn't have long sleeves on. On the other hand i worry that if she does she will be too warm (aside from my selfish desire to stay in bed). At times i do what i've just done, ask bubs to please take over in the conversation so i can go to bed (my current work schedule, though flexible thank and praise God (for all!)! has me arriving at work 20 minutes or so away for 7 am. it doesn't often occur actually.). Sometimes at times like this she will in time calm down, and either fall asleep or at least lie still. In other cases it will bother her so much that she gets up and comes downstairs. Well, tonight's topic of dissent appears to have been resolved- mom may have just added a blanket. As bubs points out, a blanket can at least be kicked off in her sleep if she gets too warm and is thus preferable to long sleeves. That being said i think i'll log off now and go to bed. Lord willing morning will come early. :) Night all.

On busyness and the letdown......

Thank and praise God!! it's been a fairly productive day today. Thank and praise God!! it's now just about time to relax with my family (perhaps separately but together). Tomorrow is Sunday one of my favorite days (perhaps my favorite day of the week). It's church day for one- Lord willing here's the way the day generally goes. i will go first to Sunday school with my wonderful girls (and the odd boyfriend/boy friend). Then we will have church- we're in the middle of a missions campaign, which is fun, and our new pastor will speak. He's very nice- not only is he hoping to fix our electric for us but he pulled into our street yesterday just to talk with mom. Then bubs and i will take mom for a long Sunday drive through the area. Seeing the area with mom is a real reminder of how good God is and how beautiful is the area He created in which we live. Then i will go to Bible study, to discuss the book of John with the group. When that's over we may or may not take the dog. At some point we will sit down and listen to one of Bridgewater's sermons on the computer- it's how bubs and mom usually "go to church" each week. Interspersed through the day may be some netflix watching, etc. God is so good to us, in every way and every day. Thank and praise Him!! Sunday is such a wonderful chance to rest and rejuvenate. It's a great way to get prepared for the hectic delight which is the week ahead. Thanks once more God, for the day which (Lord willing) i will be able to have tomorrow. Please be with us this coming week, and help us to remember to thank You for Your gifts throughout it. Amen.

a tisket a tasket

So i've been working on trying to write a mite more frequently lately. i can't say that the stories are polished, or good, or finished, but feel like sharing the link, so here it is: http://jaels-game.livejournal.com/. In other news life proceeds. God has been good (and is all the time praise Him!!) and the dog's sore appears to be healing on its own. We're toying with adding a new pill into mom's regimen. It scares me to upset the apple cart, and risk the side effects of a new pill. A serious one is the potential for a slowed heart rate. Yet it's also scary to consider not giving her the medicine that could help her. It's strange to be making such decisions for someone else. Prayer is the best way. Thank God He provides that option!!

In which i indulge in whiny, girly, passive aggressive girliness, because if you can't be ugly on your blog, where can you be ugly??

Alright, so the title may be fifty shades of hyperbole (and no i have not read, nor do i plan on reading, the books to which that joke is associated, don't worry) but the point is that i figured i'd admit here to the silly girlish jealousy, and get it over with. See today E. became Facebook official with a mutual acquaintance. (Okay, a loose acquaintance of mine, obviously much more now, for him.) Now in all honesty: 1.)Sometimes i read his Facebook statuses, and it strikes me how un-alike we are and how un-right for each other we would be. 2.)i actually thank God that nothing official did happen there, for reasons similar to those outlinePd in number 1. 3.)We barely speak any more. As in i'm trying to think of the last time we spoke on the phone, i have him hidden on Facebook lumping him into the sometimes check out his profile but otherwise may not know what he posts category, and as for seeing him in person, well, it may have been a year. 4.)This distance has lent a clarity to reality, and how despite our best efforts to make it look right, i do think us having any real relationship romantically would have been squeezing a square peg into a round hole, because the peg was so pretty and comfortable. All that being said, it still bothers me a little bit. It isn't the extreme jealousy that once would have been there, or the degree of emotional upset or the strong gut urge to try and win him back. It isn't what it was in earlier phases of our dance, but it is there a little bit. Probably because he was such a big part of my life for so long. Probably because he was so "right" in so many ways, he had so many of the characteristics in a man i'd said i wanted. Probably because he was such a good backup plan. Probably because i like his family, and his friends, and the loss of the potential, was almost like the loss of the family. Probably because i'm still single, and now he's not. Probably because staying up until the wee hours of the morning, sitting on the couch under a blanket on his thirtieth birthday, talking, while the Phantom of the Opera played in the background, is a nice memory. Probably because he brought mom flowers at least twice. Probably because he learned one or two of my darker secrets, and loved me (though he maintained he was not in love with me) anyway. Probably because we bantered about naming his car, and because she took a bath before coming to see me at least once, and because i would pat her, and talk to her, and could lean back into her seat, and listen to the music he let me pick, and just let go of stress. Probably because there was a bottle of tylenol in his center console that was mine, the candy flavored kind, that he bought for me, after the flood. Probably because he had this amazing navy blue fleece that he referred to as mine, which was so amazingly soft, and warm, and over-sized. Probably because he was a part of my life, during at least one stressful part of my life. Probably because i was not nearly as emotionally un-invested in that whole thing as people seemed to think i was, or still think i was. So i'm happy for him, and her. i wouldn't wish he and i back into trying to figure out if we could be right for each other. i feel quite certain we never were, though perhaps we were right for what we were. i wouldn't wish for the stronger feelings that would have once been associated with this post. i wouldn't wish for the jealousy, or the feelings of abandonment when he finally moved on and seemed to just stop contacting me. i wouldn't wish for the realization that at one point even earlier than that i leaned on him so much, that his not being there for me to lean on hurt. i can realize that our dance was not the healthiest thing in the world, and that i perhaps ought to have listened to the voice in my head telling me God didn't want us together seriously much earlier. Still, i'm human, and contrary to the recurring rumor, i'm straight, and female. Which means that when the closest thing to an ex i have goes Facebook official with a girl i know, i may feel something about it. i may stalk both their pages a little the first day. i may blog about it. Then i may move on, much more easily than i would have in the past.

God's providence in the simple things.

Today is the fourth of july. It's the American holiday, which often makes me think of what is perhaps the time in my life in which i felt most patriotic about this day- when i lived in Albania. See, we were there through two Fourths. Both years we attended the big celebration at the American embassy. The first year it was right after we had arrived, and the experience perhaps rang a bit hollow for me. The second year i'd been out of my native soil for about a year, and bought into the experience much more fully. But i digress here. Let's talk about today's fourth. This morning we went to the parade in a nearby town, like we usually do. By we, i mean momma and me. Tonight we went to the fireworks in the same town. By we, i mean momma bubs and me. This morning i had such a plan. Arrive and park behind the publishing house, walk maybe 200 meters and watch the parade. It's what we did last year. It was such a wiser plan, i told myself smugly, than what we had done in the past. In the past we had parked at my friend's mom's house. It's quite a hike, perhaps half a mile to the parade ground then. It's down quite a bit hill to get to the parade, but up on the way back. After driving around for maybe a half hour, i despaired of finding the right parking closer. God was good to us- we didn't actually hit anyone or anything in what was a sizable crowd of drivers equally determined to find parking on back streets and public lots. Perhaps 10 to 30 minutes after the parade stepped off i gave up and headed to the house atop the hill. my concern was the trip back up the road, which had been difficult for mom in the past. i grumbled at the fact that my brother hadn't come, and wondered if i could find someone to stand with her while i ran up for the car. God was good (He always is!) and i ran into a good friend. She agreed to have mom hang with her while i ran (literally part of the way- so incredibly out of shape i am) for the car. Then two fire police men chatted with us and allowed me to park the car off to the side to pick her up. God is so good!! Praise God!! Praise God for everything!! One of the things worth praising Him for has been in my head lately- that being how we can care for mom. She still very much enjoys herself. She still loves life. She still smiles and has preferences. She is doing really well. It saddens me to think what she would be missing were she in a home. Now home's are not always bad things. There are places for them. Sometimes it's the right move. However, that doesn't mean as soon as someone has dementia that's where they should go. There is so much of life to be lived outside a home, even one with good activities. There is so much to be lived outside a locked ward. Were she in a home, mom very well might have missed out on that parade and that fireworks show. Praise God she didn't!!