i don't necessarily do very well unemployed. i don't see myself every being a stay at home mother, and have thought this (with occasional lapses) for quite some time. Honestly, i'm just the sort of person who likes to be employed. There's a part of me which values supporting my family, which enjoys the schedule, the obligations, the break from the daily routine at home. i like to work.
Thus this partial lay off at work (there may be a post on that later, if anyone reading this doesn't know) threw me for a loop.
Suddenly, instead of working 5 days a week i was working only three. Suddenly, i had a little more than $300 every two weeks less with which to pay bills. Now i also have more time, which is a blessing, but nevertheless, i wanted to fill some of my free time with enough work to recoup some of the income.
i don't necessarily do unemployed well.
Still, it has given me ample opportunities to spend time with mom and bubs, and to run errands and achieve some work around the house which has needed doing. While i haven't necessarily always used this time wisely, i pray God forgives me and look at each day as a new chance to achieve goals.
This background is important in relation of the following realization. i forget the basis, but the setting was the bathroom. i don't even remember what i was doing, probably helping mom get ready. i don't remember if she said something, or not. i do remember that somehow i found myself asking the question- is she worth it?
Would she be worth only working part-time? Would she be worth working partially, or fully from home?
The answer was yes. For someone who knows that they do not want to be a stay at home mom (or thinks she knows it at this time), for someone who does not like being unemployed, this was a bit of a weighty realization, a momentous thought. Spending time with mom, caring for mom, would be worth it, were that God's will, for me to stay home with her. If bubs really does move to Texas, and we do not go with him, and were i able to find a way to work from home, and not to leave the house for employment, she would be worth it.
This notion was reinforced this evening, while we were doing a puzzle. The grin on her face, the joy she evidences and spreads could be hard to describe. She so loves to do puzzles with us, though she does the hard bits first for some reason. (i am definitely a do the edges sort of girl- mom goes straight for the animal fur or sky pieces.) It occurred to me again, she is totally worth it.
For as long as it's God's will that we get to hang out with her, which i pray will be a very long time, i hope that i keep remembering this in pleasant ways and happy moments. God has given us the excessive blessing of having our mother. Following His will in caring for her, so long as it's His will that we do so, may not always seem easy. It may not always follow what we think we want. It will likely give so much in exchange though; and she is totally worth it.
At times i may still get exasperated with things; and i know that i am often deficient in my duty. Take tonight for instance, when once again i was snapping at her after falling asleep early and waking up cranky.
By the way she is extremely patient and forgiving in those times. This too is a blessing.
Despite all of that however, our current lifestyle is so full of those sorts of blessings, and many more besides. It is full of puzzles, and long car rides, of songs made up for the grandchildren, and calls from adopted daughters in California, of someone waiting for you at the door after work with a grin on her face, and someone asking if they can help when tiredness or unwell feelings appear, and so much more. It is totally worth it. Thank You God for it.
Thank You God for everything; without You we would have nothing!!
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